French Fridays with Dorie – Orange-Scented Lentil Soup (+feelings)

IMG_2716So I made this lentil soup and it was pretty good, but the majority of this post will not be about soup. I just want to put that out there right away. I’m going to be talking about feelings people, so if that sounds gross to you, just click away. Come back next week when I talk about cookies and stuff again.

It’s been kind of a rough week over here in real-life. If you’ve been reading my postings for awhile you probably remember last spring when I got a little “tough love” on myself about exercising. Now it’s time for some of that again but just about me in general. Recently a friend quoted me back to me (I can never resist a When Harry Met Sally reference, sorry) and though I laughed at the time, I have been thinking a lot about what she said. In a post a few months ago I said something to the effect of “I hate when movies and TV shows have scenes of people just sitting around and thinking pensively because that sounds terrible to me and I would never do that.” Something like that. She said that she frequently sets aside blocks of time to do this and thought my comments on it were hilarious. Because of some particularly harsh truths I’ve had to face recently, I started thinking about why I would say that. And the answer is kind of not fun. Actually it’s really not fun. Here it is: I haven’t felt great about myself for a few years. I don’t really know when it happened, but I have kind of been checked out for awhile. It sounds stupid to say it but I guess I just thought if I didn’t think about it, it would go away. Denial is the cure for everything, right?

In my whole life, I have never really liked planning ahead. It’s not that I’m not organized or responsible, it’s just that I’ve never really been much of a dreamer. Or that’s what I kind of always thought. But if I really am totally honest with myself this is what I come up with- another thing that’s cliche but true: if you don’t want or hope or try for things, you won’t be disappointed when you fail or it doesn’t work out. And that is actually really shitty. What a horrible way to look at things. That’s what you’re saying, right? That’s the place I’m at right now. So here’s a few things I want: I want to be excited about something. I want to spend more time with my husband. I want to keep writing this blog and getting better at expressing myself. Ugh, expressing myself? Even typing that made me cringe, but I don’t think there’s another way to say it. Obviously it’s fun to be snarky and self-deprecating and critical sometimes but I can’t be like that all the time. And this is the really hard one to admit – I want to have a plan. Not like a Pinky & the Brain World Domination kind of plan, but just something to work towards. I’m still trying to figure out what that will be but the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

So about this soup……hahahahahaha. It’s lentil soup and it’s not pretty, but I actually think that’s kind of appropriate for this post, right? Lentils are good for you, there’s no denying it, but damn they are ugly. See how nice and colorful everything looks before the addition of the lentils?IMG_0175It’s not even a clever metaphor at this point – adding the lentils = thinking about all this hard and ugly stuff. I’m pretty sure this is good for me, the process is just kind of unappetizing and sucky.


10 thoughts on “French Fridays with Dorie – Orange-Scented Lentil Soup (+feelings)

  1. Delicious looking soup!! Love your garnishes! This one’s a keeper in our house!
    You will figure it out, Maggie!! That’s what life is…learning as you go, but you should always have a dream! Those dreams are what keep us moving forward!

  2. Lovely looking soup! When I was in my 20s, I thought I was all grown up and had life figured out. Now, I realize that I am totally clueless, but it’s ok. It’s good to have goals and be honest with ourselves, but at the end of the day, accept yourself, warts and all.

  3. Lovely lentils. Good luck figuring things out. I think I know what you mean about searching for that missing thing, but being afraid of disappointment. Meanwhile, keep doing things you like. They will lead you to happiness. Sorry to sound like a fortune cookie!

  4. I think those moments of surfacing from your current life to think about what’s next are always useful. I find that occasionally I wake up & think “I need a 5 year plan!” and then it’s always fun to think about what’s next. (I usually find its a sign that I’m looking for adventure, can you go traveling?) Enjoy your planning & the results!

  5. Oh, Miss Maggie, LIFE is messy and there will probably be more valleys than peaks. Yep, ya gotta have a plan or a blueprint or a I Wish. Whatever road you decide to go down, be prepared to take detours. I had more fails and disappointments than wins, that’s for sure. Be sure your cup is always half-full, never half-empty and realize that 98% of the women in this world will never be as fortunate mentally, physically, and emotionally as you are right now. Don’t let yourself become a victim because you are wayyyy to smart for that. Your wants seem pretty simple to me – figure out about 5 things that excite you and go for them; snatch more time to be with your husband – be imaginative and innovative; and just devote more time to writing and cooking and blogging better. I like reading your blog. Every time you get down on yourself, shake it off. Work harder at being happy. You’ll be amazed at the rewards of that. (Liked your soup, by the way.)

  6. I enjoy your cooking blog and I enjoy your “non Dorie” comments as well. I am a fan of snark so you will not get an objective opinion about that topic from me (sorry- it is an area I am trying to cut back on myself…..) but your posts indicate that you are extremely quick witted and have much heart. I still remember the post about your knocking out the pot pie late on Valentine’s Day – when most of us expected the hubbies to do the work. I was SO impressed at your creativity and down right hard work. It is indeed the little things in life. Good luck working through it all – we are all there experiencing the same highs and lows. And yes, great job with that soup. I need to do more of the lentil soup and less of the homemade bread with cheesy creme brulee topping (don’t even talk to me about exercising…..)

  7. Animaniacs & Pinky and The Brain make regular TV viewing in our house (and yes, I stop what I am doing to watch them…) Just had to get that off my chest.
    Hang in there – self reflection sucks. Totally sucks. But it’s good for you, if you let it be. If it makes you feel any better, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – and I am hitting the big 4-0 this year 😦
    Lovely soup – food metaphors always work – even when they shouldn’t.

  8. I have been going through similar stuff, but I took the cowardly route and hid! I hid in crazy business doing everything but what I want to do. And that’s cos I don’t even know what that is really. So I keep doing more of what I know cos the unknown just freaks me out at the moment! At least you’re still blogging 🙂 And doing a great job at that by the way!

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