This will be a departure from the regularly scheduled programming. It will not last long, but it’s happening. Yeah, I’m talking about bathrooms. Public bathrooms. Specifically the public bathrooms where I work but this will be applicable to ALL public restrooms. Funnily enough, I have had to clean public restrooms for the majority of my working life. Yes I have a college degree and am nearing 30 but the bathrooms have to be cleaned by someone and that someone is me. Therefore there are a few things I would like to say to the general public on the subject. Basically it boils down to CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF GODDAMNIT but clearly I’m going to need to break it down a little further. Here is a list (this is not in order of importance, they are all EQUALLY important):
1. If you pee on the seat, clean it up. Don’t pretend you don’t look at the toilet as it is flushing. Everyone does, it’s human nature. So I know that you are seeing this pee and choosing to ignore it. That upsets me.
2. If you leave a hair or something else on the seat, also clean it up. Again, I know you’re looking.
3. If you miss the garbage can with anything you are putting in there, bend your ass down and pick it up and then put it in the trashcan like a normal, civilized person. We are not animals and I am sick of everyone behaving like we are. It’s a slippery slope – first you throw your bathroom trash on the floor, then you’re not recycling, then you’re throwing your coffee cup out the window on the highway and either causing an accident or forcing us all to live in a garbage dump of your own creation. You disgust me.
4. If you make the bathroom stinky, do us all a big favor and spray some of the very nice room freshener that I have left in the bathroom specifically for this purpose. Also maybe leave the fan on. This seems like a no-brainer to me and I’m really annoyed that I even have to spell this out but the amount of times this isn’t done on a weekly basis make it clear that I have to. Obviously everyone poops, the children’s book taught us all that, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.
5. If you for some reason clog the toilet, be a grown up and let someone know. I mean, try really hard not to do this. There is a plunger right next to the toilet and there is no way that I believe that everyone doesn’t know how to use it. I just don’t, so don’t even try it. When you create this type of problem and then just leave it for me to discover on my own I become furious. It’s basically a Hulk-type situation. It’s not pretty and shockingly, it’s not fun for me.
6. If you use the last of the toilet paper, please DON’T just unwrap the new roll and set it on top of the empty one. This is literally the laziest thing ever. Literally. It takes about three seconds to actually replace the roll onto the holder and if you actually do this you will prove to me little by little that the human race isn’t worthless. It’s that easy.
See, only six little things and you shouldn’t even have to remember this list because these are just things you should KNOW. And yes, again I am sorry about saying this here because I like to assume that everyone who reads my blog would never need to even be told any of these things. I just had to say them somewhere and since I work in customer service at a small business, I don’t think screaming them at work is a great idea. My boss would definitely be unhappy and it would probably scare the customers away. I don’t want to do that. I just want everyone to stop shitting all over my bathrooms and ruining my faith in humanity. Happy holidays everyone!